If you had been a fly on my wall yesterday, you would probably be dead by now. Because I was not a happy camper and was looking for someone to take it out on. And I hate bugs.
Ok, somehow my analogy got off track.
Let me be more clear: Yesterday, I was mad. Really mad. And frustrated.
With whom, you ask? Oh, just anybody and everybody. But mostly no one at all.
Yesterday we found out that someone else is buying the house I fell in love with. We were planning to take Wade's dad to look at it yesterday morning and inspect it, and 30 minutes before we were to go, we got the news.
Wade had warned me not to get attached. But I did. And I was devastated.
In my mind, I could hear my voice of reason telling me, "It's just a house!" And I know that. I do. But my voice of unreason was speaking much more loudly, screaming in fact, that I was sick of this! I was tired of doors being shut, over and over and over again! How many more times was God going to block the paths we were taking?
I trust God, I do. I believe in Him and know His ways are higher than my own. I believe that He will take me where He wants me. But I'd just like Him to reveal His plans to me already!
And I told Him that. I told Him I was mad at Him. It sounds so silly today, and I felt like such a child in church today while I was overcome with His love and provision for me. And I knew it was ridiculous then, while I was telling Him how fed up I was.
But that's one of the things I love about God. I can tell Him exactly how I'm feeling. I mean, it's not like He doesn't know anyways, right? So I just put it all out there. How this month has been a hard one. How I felt like we were constantly being placed back in square one.
Apparently that's where He wants us, square one.
And no matter how frustrated I get, once I've calmed down and stopped being emotional, I can honestly admit that there's no place I'd rather be than in the place where God wants me.
So, I just wanted to be honest with you guys and with myself that sometimes, while I believe God and trust in Him, my flesh rears it's ugly head. Thankfully I have a Father who is big enough to handle that.
"[He] instantly cried out, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!"