In an effort to remain positive, I've seriously lacked in sharing just how hard this move is. You can keep reading or just read Mackenzie's post over here where she's basically read my mind and poured it out on paper. It's comforting to know that my thoughts/experiences are the same as others going through similar seasons.

Maybe it's the scattered boxes all over my house or the impossibility of order and organization... maybe it's the fact that I truly have no idea where we'll be living in a few day's time... maybe it's the thought of 99% of my stuff sitting in storage for the next unforeseeable future... but I'm a tad overwhelmed.

In all honesty, if you've read any of my posts in the last week, the word overwhelmed has worked it's way into almost every single one of them.

I'm sad to leave my friends and church and to be even further away from our families.
I'm nervous about being mine and my husband's translator right off the bat.
I'm unsure of where we'll be sleeping each night; and the idea of trying to figure out how to have the things we need for any situation with us is daunting. I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen.
I've been tempted to just throw stuff in boxes and just hope for the best.
I find myself wondering what our days will look like... and not knowing how to answer when others ask me that same question.

Most of the time, I'm teetering between feelings of joy and panic.

It's exciting to be on this journey with God, but so hard to have no idea where it's really leading.

We're going in blind. And for person who starts planning every second of her day (including what and when to eat) within the first five minutes of waking up, that's not such a comfortable concept.

Just the other day, on of my church staff co-workers said to me that the safest place to be is in God's will. I agreed and added that it's also the most uncomfortable. He laughed, thinking back to his first day on our staff when a woman needing help ended up laying in our office doorway smoking a cigar after we told her to "make herself at home" while she waited, and agreed. You see, he had recently come to our church (where literally anything can happen at any time) from a church where he was really comfortable, all because the Lord told him to go somewhere where he could be a better discipler. God's will is rarely comfortable. But it certainly is the best place to be.
**it is my opinion and belief that the safety I speak of has nothing to do with physical safety/death, but being safe in the arms of God from the danger of living this life for myself.**

I feel strongly that this next year of my life (and who knows how much longer) will be a defining time for me and my husband. It will challenge and change and encourage and push us to our limits.

I find myself standing on the water, leaving the safety and familiarity of the boat. I'm going out to meet Jesus where He's waiting for me; but these dang waves are so distracting. They lap at my ankles and my heart starts to constrict with fear and worry. I look around at the dark sea and for a second think about going back. But I could never bring myself to do that. Not when Jesus is right there in front of me. I just have to follow the moonlit path to Him. His eyes are so calm. I feel better when I look at them. His peace washes over me. So I take another step. He is holding out His hand, ready to grab me if I start to slip. I know I can trust in Him. When I need to, I can rest in Him too -- trusting Him to hold me up and carry my weight of worry and fear.  (based on Matthew 14:22-33)

I fear I won't measure up. And He reminds me that I don't have to.